My OCD stories

Understadning my Tapping OCD

❗Please read my pervious post for this post to make a little more sense.

This OCD is very time consuming and probably the most annoying as this gives me the most anxiety. This is because when I start to do this OCD I have to do it the right amount of times in order for the anxiety to go and to get that feeling right.

Let me explain.

This OCD can be triggered on a number of day-to-day tasks. For example, if I pick up my toothbrush and put it back down I have to tap it a number of times, in order for the anxiety, heaviness and the feeling that something bad is going to happen to disappear. This is when I know I can stop tapping.

The tapping consists of a number sequence which my brain tells me to do. Number 1 represents good and number 2 represent bad and we all know good comes first and bad comes second. Good means something bad might not happens and bad means something bad might happen, but it’s weird as sometimes my thoughts make me think good is bad and bad is good. This is why I use the number sequence to trick my brain to making the tapping feel okay and helping me get rid of the anxiety and heaviness. Ending the sequence on a 1 is always the best way to finish the sequence for me.

However, it’s not always that easy, as when I am having a bad day it could take many more taps to make it feel okay. This means repeating the sequence below serval times.

When I am tapping this is the number system I use: 2 taps represent 1 tap in total and then I tap these two taps – 8 more times so it finishes on 16 and at the end one more tap to finish on 17 as the last tap is 1 which represents good. This releases the anxiety, heaviness and the bad thoughts in my head.

Here’s the sequence in my head:🧠

1 means good 👍

2 means bad 👎

That’s why there are two taps but these 2 taps only count as 1 whole tap in my brain 🧠.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -The last tap which is 1 which = Good.

This is how it looks in my brain I know its an understatement when people say there life is complicaited. 🤔

I also have a number sequence I use on good days, where I only tap twice and then I’m done👌. This is due to experience and a number of trial and errors, but this suppresses and shortens the number of times I need to do it. I will explain how I did this in detail in future posts.

Tapping OCD can occur when picking something up and placing it back down, turning off a tap🚰, light switch💡, closing a drawer 🗄 etc.

You might have your own way of doing this tapping OCD, but this is the way it worked for me. However, I have a solution which I will be posting, which helps me in all my OCDs, some you can find in my pervious posts, and hopefully it can help you too. I want to share my OCDs with you in order to make you get a better understanding of me and to help relate if you are going through something similar. My plan is to start talking about the solution to them in the future which will be my final post about my OCDs. After I wish to move on to other topics in my life away from OCD which you may also be able to relate to hopefully it can also help you.

But before this post ends here’s a little advice: You must keep positive and tell yourself it will be okay as everything which is going on in the the mind is all in the mind no matter how intense it feels and remember you are still in control, you have the final say. On a good day when your OCD is not playing up as much use that good day and remember it on your bad day and think everything worked out fine on the good day. Use this to help you move forward and make it a little less difficult.

This should help you just a little more on those bad days.

I know whatever OCD you might have there is always a solution to each and every OCD no matter how bad it is and no matter how trapped you feel. I never had anyone to talk about this with and I felt trapped for about 13 years. This platform has given me the chance to express myself. If you can relate or know people going through similar situations, I can promise and reassure you I have found a solution that has helped me in my day to day life. This solution came from 13 years of experience with OCD. You are not alone and if you wish to contact me please contact me on ask.millennial@hotmail.com. Hopefully my solution could help find your solution.

If you want to get professional help you can get psychological therapy normally cognitive behavioural therapy or you can get medication such as antidepressants called selective serotonin repute inhibitors (SSRIs).

Image result for tapping ocd
My weird Tapping OCD
My OCD stories

My two step OCD (15 years old)

Check out my first post to see how my OCD started.

When you have a weird OCD like mine it makes things you enjoy off putting. An example would be when I was young, I would not bother playing with my toys as I knew if I picked them up it would trigger my OCD again. Another example would be not bothering to get up to get a drink, which takes me to an OCD which I call the Two step OCD. Now before you think my OCD is a step up routine.

Let me explain.

Now this OCD would affect me when I would walk from one room to another. Every time I entered a new room in the house I would step in and out of the room until I got the feeling right (ps it did help my two step get better) also amazing leg calf work out .

I felt like I had to get this feeling right in order to go into the next room. It was almost like a game in my head, where I had to pass levels to get to the next stage. As you can imagine this really made me lazy and stressed as I preferred not getting up anymore.

Before I continue let’s talk about The feeling” I keep talking about.

The feeling is a nervous feeling, and it makes me feel like something bad is going to happen in my life. This could be being embarrassed in school, my dad getting angry at me or that something I was working towards would not happen. There is a bundle of thoughts which occur in the mind telling you that if you do not do this right a lot of bad things will happen and this feeling would occur in all my OCDs.

Now, you are probably thinking “How do you make this feeling go away? How do you know you did it correctly?” The answer to your question is the only way I knew I did it correctly was when the anxiety and the heaviness in my body went away. This way I got reassurance that it was fine, but this was not always the case. There have been situations where I felt like I did it right and I could relax. But then one minute later I would have thoughts like “Are you sure you did it right? What if you didn’t do it right and something bad happens? You should try again!”

Yes, it’s very complicated but it started to become a growing part of my life and second nature. It became so natural for me that I didn’t even notice it at times. The strange thing was, I found a loophole to get it to stop. But this loophole was not the solution but sometimes it worked. When people started to notice, it would stop immediately like the Game was Over because i got embarrassed. However, this rarely happened as it was not that obvious and my family didn’t pay much attention to it.

Thank you for reading. This was the two step OCD. I have to be honest I didn’t come up with the name. I know it’s strange naming the OCD, but the name actually originated when my sister In law saw me do it. Like I said it becomes second nature to me. I don’t realise who is around me, as I zone into it and when she saw it she said “Why are you two stepping?” and that’s how it was named.

I know whatever OCD you might have there is always a solution to each and every OCD no matter how bad it is and no matter how trapped you feel. I never had anyone to talk about this with and I felt trapped for about 13 years. This platform has given me the chance to express myself. If you can relate or know people going through similar situations, I can promise and reassure you I have found a solution that has helped me in my day to day life. This solution came from 13 years of experience with OCD. You are not alone and if you wish to contact me please contact me on ask.millennial@hotmail.com. Hopefully my solution could help find your solution.

If you want to get professional help you can get psychological therapy normally cognitive behavioural therapy or you can get medication such as antidepressants called selective serotonin repute inhibitors (SSRIs).

Image result for two step
Two Step OCD

My OCD stories

The beginning of my OCD?

When I was 10 years old I started noticing how my brain and my inner thought would have this huge power over me and how it affected my everyday life. The most simple of tasks would be so difficult and it would be a constant battle in my head. It feels like if you ignore what your brain is telling you something bad would happen, for example you would have a bad day, something could happen to your family or you would fail school. Anything that you had going on in your life somehow your brain would tell you how it was going to go wrong if you didn’t listen to it. Before you start thinking “Oh no, serial killer in the making .” Let me explain.

This was my first encounter with this OCD and I just did not understand it. This made me frustrated and I did not know how to suppress it not matter how much I wanted it to stop but I knew I had to carry on doing it until the feeling of anxiety stopped.

It all started when I was playing with a toy car. It was an army jeep my uncle got me when he came to visit. While I was playing I drove the car up the wall on to the kitchen counter. The strange thing was that my thoughts started to tell me to drive it up the wall again as the feeling was not right. I kept driving the jeep up and down like I was on a loop in my head. It was literally a war zone, no pun intended, I felt a huge pressure on my head from driving the car up and down the wall and it was driving me up the wall. No matter how much I tried to do it again and again until the feeling in my head allowed me to stop, it gave me an anxious feeling in my stomach because it did not feel right. I knew that it had to do it until it felt right otherwise something bad would happen. Eventually after 2 hours of this insane loop I thought “Am I going crazy? Why am I doing this?” and “I want to stop but if I do what if something bad happens to me or someone in my family”.

My dad told me to go to sleep, as it was getting late but I still had this sick feeling in my stomach as if I had to do this until I got it right.

When everyone was asleep I slowly went down the stairs matching my dads snoring as the floor boards would creak. I started to drive my army jeep up the wall again, half an hour passed as I sat there in the pitch dark. I finally did it and now it was late, 2am to be exact. But finally I did it correctly and my brain felt at ease, the pressure went away and my body which was so tense finally relaxed like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It was like I just finished a huge deadline and everything was going to be okay now and nothing bad would happen.

This was only when I was 10 years old. I had so many more weird OCDs But this one was the most intense one as it was the first. It started to spread in to my routine such as picking up a spoon and placing it down or using salt and pepper. If I did not put it down correctly I would get this bad anxious feeling and feel like something was going to happen until I did it enough times to get it right.

With all these OCDs affecting my everyday life I created a system with different methods to deal with different forms of OCD all controlled under one system to minimise it. I will reveal how I did it in the months coming and hopefully my solutions can help you. Please share if this is something you can relate to or find interesting.

THE OCD JEEP

This is me

This is me. Millennial101

I’m 23 years old, living in London. When I was little I always wanted to be older, but now that I’m older I miss the freedom of being young. We all have our problems and sometimes not enough heads to talk to. But I feel like this will give me a chance to express myself; in happiness and troubled times. Hopefully my solutions to my problems could also be a solution to yours.

For a 23 year old I have experienced more than enough in my life from living with family, to dating, to facing school problems, living alone in London etc. and not to forget my inner demons. I would be in a different position in my life right now if I let these obstacles overcome me. As cheesy as it sounds, I’m the best version of myself due to these problems.

I want to share my experiences, no matter how embarrassing or stupid they may sound to help someone out there who’s going through any of the things I’ve gone through. I will share how I surpassed, dealt with it and came out the other end as a better person.

If you do wish to discuss anything please write a comment! or send me an email ask.millennial@hotmail.com

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