My OCD stories

How OCD leads to depression and anxiety

ā¯—Please read my pervious post for this post to make a little more sense.

My OCD has made feel low, sad and not wanting do anything which I have mentioned in my previous posts.

Let me explain.

At a time it was so bad that I would not want to wear the same clothing if I had a bad day in them. This triggered my anxiety and made me think I would have another bad day if I wear the same clothing.

I would also try avoid watching TV, use my phone, get up to get a drink or go toilet. This is because everything I would do on a daily basis triggered my OCD. This got me in a state of depression as I feel really anxious, sad, scared, frustrated, confused and these feelings made me want to spend all day sleeping in bed.

When I was in school my OCD would even affect my school work. For example, we did our assignments on the computer and I started doing my OCD on the computer keyboard by entering letters then deleting them again. This affected my work and it consumed a lot of my time. It made me feel so low that I didn’t even feel like doing the work.

When I had good days my OCD would become even worse because my thoughts would make me think if I wanted more of those good days I must do more of my OCD.

This was a dark time for me as I had no one to talk to because I felt no one would understand me and I was scared they would think I was crazy. Therefore, I suppressed it and kept my feelings hidden. I felt I was broken and these triggers where really a dark cloud over my head, it affected my mood and my personality. It felt like I was trapped in a small complex box which was submerged in the bottom of a big dark hole. The interior of the box had points and I could not move otherwise I would get hurt.

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I felt like this

You do not have to suffer like I did talking about it helps and its much more common than you may think everyone has their own weird OCD.

But like i said it’s all about will power the more negativity you feed your brain it just encourages the OCD even more.

I know whatever OCD you might have there is always a solution to each and every OCD no matter how bad it is and no matter how trapped you feel. I never had anyone to talk about this with and I felt trapped for about 13 years. This platform has given me the chance to express myself. If you can relate or know people going through similar situations, I can promise and reassure you I have found a solution that has helped me in my day to day life. This solution came from 13 years of experience with OCD. You are not alone and if you wish to contact me please contact me on ask.millennial@hotmail.com. Hopefully my solution could help find your solution.

If you want to get professional help you can get psychological therapy normally cognitive behavioural therapy or you can get medication such as antidepressants called selective serotonin repute inhibitors (SSRIs).

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My OCD stories

The beginning of my OCD?

When I was 10 years old I started noticing how my brain and my inner thought would have this huge power over me and how it affected my everyday life. The most simple of tasks would be so difficult and it would be a constant battle in my head. It feels like if you ignore what your brain is telling you something bad would happen, for example you would have a bad day, something could happen to your family or you would fail school. Anything that you had going on in your life somehow your brain would tell you how it was going to go wrong if you didn’t listen to it. Before you start thinking “Oh no, serial killer in the making .” Let me explain.

This was my first encounter with this OCD and I just did not understand it. This made me frustrated and I did not know how to suppress it not matter how much I wanted it to stop but I knew I had to carry on doing it until the feeling of anxiety stopped.

It all started when I was playing with a toy car. It was an army jeep my uncle got me when he came to visit. While I was playing I drove the car up the wall on to the kitchen counter. The strange thing was that my thoughts started to tell me to drive it up the wall again as the feeling was not right. I kept driving the jeep up and down like I was on a loop in my head. It was literally a war zone, no pun intended, I felt a huge pressure on my head from driving the car up and down the wall and it was driving me up the wall. No matter how much I tried to do it again and again until the feeling in my head allowed me to stop, it gave me an anxious feeling in my stomach because it did not feel right. I knew that it had to do it until it felt right otherwise something bad would happen. Eventually after 2 hours of this insane loop I thought “Am I going crazy? Why am I doing this?” and “I want to stop but if I do what if something bad happens to me or someone in my family”.

My dad told me to go to sleep, as it was getting late but I still had this sick feeling in my stomach as if I had to do this until I got it right.

When everyone was asleep I slowly went down the stairs matching my dads snoring as the floor boards would creak. I started to drive my army jeep up the wall again, half an hour passed as I sat there in the pitch dark. I finally did it and now it was late, 2am to be exact. But finally I did it correctly and my brain felt at ease, the pressure went away and my body which was so tense finally relaxed like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It was like I just finished a huge deadline and everything was going to be okay now and nothing bad would happen.

This was only when I was 10 years old. I had so many more weird OCDs But this one was the most intense one as it was the first. It started to spread in to my routine such as picking up a spoon and placing it down or using salt and pepper. If I did not put it down correctly I would get this bad anxious feeling and feel like something was going to happen until I did it enough times to get it right.

With all these OCDs affecting my everyday life I created a system with different methods to deal with different forms of OCD all controlled under one system to minimise it. I will reveal how I did it in the months coming and hopefully my solutions can help you. Please share if this is something you can relate to or find interesting.

THE OCD JEEP