My OCD stories

My two step OCD (15 years old)

Check out my first post to see how my OCD started.

When you have a weird OCD like mine it makes things you enjoy off putting. An example would be when I was young, I would not bother playing with my toys as I knew if I picked them up it would trigger my OCD again. Another example would be not bothering to get up to get a drink, which takes me to an OCD which I call the Two step OCD. Now before you think my OCD is a step up routine.

Let me explain.

Now this OCD would affect me when I would walk from one room to another. Every time I entered a new room in the house I would step in and out of the room until I got the feeling right (ps it did help my two step get better) also amazing leg calf work out .

I felt like I had to get this feeling right in order to go into the next room. It was almost like a game in my head, where I had to pass levels to get to the next stage. As you can imagine this really made me lazy and stressed as I preferred not getting up anymore.

Before I continue let’s talk about The feeling” I keep talking about.

The feeling is a nervous feeling, and it makes me feel like something bad is going to happen in my life. This could be being embarrassed in school, my dad getting angry at me or that something I was working towards would not happen. There is a bundle of thoughts which occur in the mind telling you that if you do not do this right a lot of bad things will happen and this feeling would occur in all my OCDs.

Now, you are probably thinking “How do you make this feeling go away? How do you know you did it correctly?” The answer to your question is the only way I knew I did it correctly was when the anxiety and the heaviness in my body went away. This way I got reassurance that it was fine, but this was not always the case. There have been situations where I felt like I did it right and I could relax. But then one minute later I would have thoughts like “Are you sure you did it right? What if you didn’t do it right and something bad happens? You should try again!”

Yes, it’s very complicated but it started to become a growing part of my life and second nature. It became so natural for me that I didn’t even notice it at times. The strange thing was, I found a loophole to get it to stop. But this loophole was not the solution but sometimes it worked. When people started to notice, it would stop immediately like the Game was Over because i got embarrassed. However, this rarely happened as it was not that obvious and my family didn’t pay much attention to it.

Thank you for reading. This was the two step OCD. I have to be honest I didn’t come up with the name. I know it’s strange naming the OCD, but the name actually originated when my sister In law saw me do it. Like I said it becomes second nature to me. I don’t realise who is around me, as I zone into it and when she saw it she said “Why are you two stepping?” and that’s how it was named.

I know whatever OCD you might have there is always a solution to each and every OCD no matter how bad it is and no matter how trapped you feel. I never had anyone to talk about this with and I felt trapped for about 13 years. This platform has given me the chance to express myself. If you can relate or know people going through similar situations, I can promise and reassure you I have found a solution that has helped me in my day to day life. This solution came from 13 years of experience with OCD. You are not alone and if you wish to contact me please contact me on ask.millennial@hotmail.com. Hopefully my solution could help find your solution.

If you want to get professional help you can get psychological therapy normally cognitive behavioural therapy or you can get medication such as antidepressants called selective serotonin repute inhibitors (SSRIs).

Image result for two step
Two Step OCD

My OCD stories

The beginning of my OCD?

When I was 10 years old I started noticing how my brain and my inner thought would have this huge power over me and how it affected my everyday life. The most simple of tasks would be so difficult and it would be a constant battle in my head. It feels like if you ignore what your brain is telling you something bad would happen, for example you would have a bad day, something could happen to your family or you would fail school. Anything that you had going on in your life somehow your brain would tell you how it was going to go wrong if you didn’t listen to it. Before you start thinking “Oh no, serial killer in the making .” Let me explain.

This was my first encounter with this OCD and I just did not understand it. This made me frustrated and I did not know how to suppress it not matter how much I wanted it to stop but I knew I had to carry on doing it until the feeling of anxiety stopped.

It all started when I was playing with a toy car. It was an army jeep my uncle got me when he came to visit. While I was playing I drove the car up the wall on to the kitchen counter. The strange thing was that my thoughts started to tell me to drive it up the wall again as the feeling was not right. I kept driving the jeep up and down like I was on a loop in my head. It was literally a war zone, no pun intended, I felt a huge pressure on my head from driving the car up and down the wall and it was driving me up the wall. No matter how much I tried to do it again and again until the feeling in my head allowed me to stop, it gave me an anxious feeling in my stomach because it did not feel right. I knew that it had to do it until it felt right otherwise something bad would happen. Eventually after 2 hours of this insane loop I thought “Am I going crazy? Why am I doing this?” and “I want to stop but if I do what if something bad happens to me or someone in my family”.

My dad told me to go to sleep, as it was getting late but I still had this sick feeling in my stomach as if I had to do this until I got it right.

When everyone was asleep I slowly went down the stairs matching my dads snoring as the floor boards would creak. I started to drive my army jeep up the wall again, half an hour passed as I sat there in the pitch dark. I finally did it and now it was late, 2am to be exact. But finally I did it correctly and my brain felt at ease, the pressure went away and my body which was so tense finally relaxed like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It was like I just finished a huge deadline and everything was going to be okay now and nothing bad would happen.

This was only when I was 10 years old. I had so many more weird OCDs But this one was the most intense one as it was the first. It started to spread in to my routine such as picking up a spoon and placing it down or using salt and pepper. If I did not put it down correctly I would get this bad anxious feeling and feel like something was going to happen until I did it enough times to get it right.

With all these OCDs affecting my everyday life I created a system with different methods to deal with different forms of OCD all controlled under one system to minimise it. I will reveal how I did it in the months coming and hopefully my solutions can help you. Please share if this is something you can relate to or find interesting.

THE OCD JEEP