My OCD stories

How OCD leads to depression and anxiety

❗Please read my pervious post for this post to make a little more sense.

My OCD has made feel low, sad and not wanting do anything which I have mentioned in my previous posts.

Let me explain.

At a time it was so bad that I would not want to wear the same clothing if I had a bad day in them. This triggered my anxiety and made me think I would have another bad day if I wear the same clothing.

I would also try avoid watching TV, use my phone, get up to get a drink or go toilet. This is because everything I would do on a daily basis triggered my OCD. This got me in a state of depression as I feel really anxious, sad, scared, frustrated, confused and these feelings made me want to spend all day sleeping in bed.

When I was in school my OCD would even affect my school work. For example, we did our assignments on the computer and I started doing my OCD on the computer keyboard by entering letters then deleting them again. This affected my work and it consumed a lot of my time. It made me feel so low that I didn’t even feel like doing the work.

When I had good days my OCD would become even worse because my thoughts would make me think if I wanted more of those good days I must do more of my OCD.

This was a dark time for me as I had no one to talk to because I felt no one would understand me and I was scared they would think I was crazy. Therefore, I suppressed it and kept my feelings hidden. I felt I was broken and these triggers where really a dark cloud over my head, it affected my mood and my personality. It felt like I was trapped in a small complex box which was submerged in the bottom of a big dark hole. The interior of the box had points and I could not move otherwise I would get hurt.

Image result for booby trapped sharp walls
I felt like this

You do not have to suffer like I did talking about it helps and its much more common than you may think everyone has their own weird OCD.

But like i said it’s all about will power the more negativity you feed your brain it just encourages the OCD even more.

I know whatever OCD you might have there is always a solution to each and every OCD no matter how bad it is and no matter how trapped you feel. I never had anyone to talk about this with and I felt trapped for about 13 years. This platform has given me the chance to express myself. If you can relate or know people going through similar situations, I can promise and reassure you I have found a solution that has helped me in my day to day life. This solution came from 13 years of experience with OCD. You are not alone and if you wish to contact me please contact me on ask.millennial@hotmail.com. Hopefully my solution could help find your solution.

If you want to get professional help you can get psychological therapy normally cognitive behavioural therapy or you can get medication such as antidepressants called selective serotonin repute inhibitors (SSRIs).

Image result for feeling trapped
My OCD stories

Understadning my Tapping OCD

❗Please read my pervious post for this post to make a little more sense.

This OCD is very time consuming and probably the most annoying as this gives me the most anxiety. This is because when I start to do this OCD I have to do it the right amount of times in order for the anxiety to go and to get that feeling right.

Let me explain.

This OCD can be triggered on a number of day-to-day tasks. For example, if I pick up my toothbrush and put it back down I have to tap it a number of times, in order for the anxiety, heaviness and the feeling that something bad is going to happen to disappear. This is when I know I can stop tapping.

The tapping consists of a number sequence which my brain tells me to do. Number 1 represents good and number 2 represent bad and we all know good comes first and bad comes second. Good means something bad might not happens and bad means something bad might happen, but it’s weird as sometimes my thoughts make me think good is bad and bad is good. This is why I use the number sequence to trick my brain to making the tapping feel okay and helping me get rid of the anxiety and heaviness. Ending the sequence on a 1 is always the best way to finish the sequence for me.

However, it’s not always that easy, as when I am having a bad day it could take many more taps to make it feel okay. This means repeating the sequence below serval times.

When I am tapping this is the number system I use: 2 taps represent 1 tap in total and then I tap these two taps – 8 more times so it finishes on 16 and at the end one more tap to finish on 17 as the last tap is 1 which represents good. This releases the anxiety, heaviness and the bad thoughts in my head.

Here’s the sequence in my head:🧠

1 means good 👍

2 means bad 👎

That’s why there are two taps but these 2 taps only count as 1 whole tap in my brain 🧠.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -The last tap which is 1 which = Good.

This is how it looks in my brain I know its an understatement when people say there life is complicaited. 🤔

I also have a number sequence I use on good days, where I only tap twice and then I’m done👌. This is due to experience and a number of trial and errors, but this suppresses and shortens the number of times I need to do it. I will explain how I did this in detail in future posts.

Tapping OCD can occur when picking something up and placing it back down, turning off a tap🚰, light switch💡, closing a drawer 🗄 etc.

You might have your own way of doing this tapping OCD, but this is the way it worked for me. However, I have a solution which I will be posting, which helps me in all my OCDs, some you can find in my pervious posts, and hopefully it can help you too. I want to share my OCDs with you in order to make you get a better understanding of me and to help relate if you are going through something similar. My plan is to start talking about the solution to them in the future which will be my final post about my OCDs. After I wish to move on to other topics in my life away from OCD which you may also be able to relate to hopefully it can also help you.

But before this post ends here’s a little advice: You must keep positive and tell yourself it will be okay as everything which is going on in the the mind is all in the mind no matter how intense it feels and remember you are still in control, you have the final say. On a good day when your OCD is not playing up as much use that good day and remember it on your bad day and think everything worked out fine on the good day. Use this to help you move forward and make it a little less difficult.

This should help you just a little more on those bad days.

I know whatever OCD you might have there is always a solution to each and every OCD no matter how bad it is and no matter how trapped you feel. I never had anyone to talk about this with and I felt trapped for about 13 years. This platform has given me the chance to express myself. If you can relate or know people going through similar situations, I can promise and reassure you I have found a solution that has helped me in my day to day life. This solution came from 13 years of experience with OCD. You are not alone and if you wish to contact me please contact me on ask.millennial@hotmail.com. Hopefully my solution could help find your solution.

If you want to get professional help you can get psychological therapy normally cognitive behavioural therapy or you can get medication such as antidepressants called selective serotonin repute inhibitors (SSRIs).

Image result for tapping ocd
My weird Tapping OCD