My OCD stories

How OCD leads to depression and anxiety

❗Please read my pervious post for this post to make a little more sense.

My OCD has made feel low, sad and not wanting do anything which I have mentioned in my previous posts.

Let me explain.

At a time it was so bad that I would not want to wear the same clothing if I had a bad day in them. This triggered my anxiety and made me think I would have another bad day if I wear the same clothing.

I would also try avoid watching TV, use my phone, get up to get a drink or go toilet. This is because everything I would do on a daily basis triggered my OCD. This got me in a state of depression as I feel really anxious, sad, scared, frustrated, confused and these feelings made me want to spend all day sleeping in bed.

When I was in school my OCD would even affect my school work. For example, we did our assignments on the computer and I started doing my OCD on the computer keyboard by entering letters then deleting them again. This affected my work and it consumed a lot of my time. It made me feel so low that I didn’t even feel like doing the work.

When I had good days my OCD would become even worse because my thoughts would make me think if I wanted more of those good days I must do more of my OCD.

This was a dark time for me as I had no one to talk to because I felt no one would understand me and I was scared they would think I was crazy. Therefore, I suppressed it and kept my feelings hidden. I felt I was broken and these triggers where really a dark cloud over my head, it affected my mood and my personality. It felt like I was trapped in a small complex box which was submerged in the bottom of a big dark hole. The interior of the box had points and I could not move otherwise I would get hurt.

Image result for booby trapped sharp walls
I felt like this

You do not have to suffer like I did talking about it helps and its much more common than you may think everyone has their own weird OCD.

But like i said it’s all about will power the more negativity you feed your brain it just encourages the OCD even more.

I know whatever OCD you might have there is always a solution to each and every OCD no matter how bad it is and no matter how trapped you feel. I never had anyone to talk about this with and I felt trapped for about 13 years. This platform has given me the chance to express myself. If you can relate or know people going through similar situations, I can promise and reassure you I have found a solution that has helped me in my day to day life. This solution came from 13 years of experience with OCD. You are not alone and if you wish to contact me please contact me on ask.millennial@hotmail.com. Hopefully my solution could help find your solution.

If you want to get professional help you can get psychological therapy normally cognitive behavioural therapy or you can get medication such as antidepressants called selective serotonin repute inhibitors (SSRIs).

Image result for feeling trapped
My OCD stories

How to cope with OCD on your bad days

❗Please read my pervious post for this post to make a little more sense.

When I am having a bad day having OCD does not help! It’s like having an over dramatic frantic friend with you at all times. Whenever I am having a bad day my thoughts make me think it’s due to my OCD. For example, if I had not tapped correctly and missed a sequence of numbers when tapping or I did my OCD routine incorrectly something bad could happen. This is when my OCD takes me on overdrive.🤯

Let me explain.

A bad day for me is when everything is just going bad I even have some bad days of the week, Thursdays and Mondays. On these days where I feel like am going to have a bad day my OCD really takes advantage of that as the negativity feeds it. These days could consists of all kinds of things just not going right, such as having arguments with friends and family, extra pressure and unnecessary drama I even lost a job on a Thursday. Things just happen to pile up one after another.

(Bonus OCD😅) Another bizarre OCD -I will not were the same shirt or socks which I was wearing on that bad day anymore as I feel like they had a negative energy from them which made me have a bad day. If you are thinking do I have lucky clothing such as tops and other clothing the answer is Yes.

The reason why my OCD takes advantage is because I have to make sure everything bad which is about to happen is not going to get really bad. When doing my OCD it helps get rid of that anxiety and heaviness. I could therefore be tapping or doing other OCDs for a really long time just to make sure my day is not worse than it has to be.

Sometimes my OCD is so controlling that I will not look at texts or check emails just incase they are bad. I just want to isolate and lock myself away from the outside world with no contact with anyone. I know you’re probably thinking I am the dramatic and frantic one.

But over a long period of time you start to get used to it, like I have. Here’s a tip always remain positive no matter how bad it is. Otherwise, you will lose yourself in your thoughts and you will never be able to move forward. If you keep getting stuck OCD feeds off of the negativity.

Here’s a trick I use

When your OCD is not playing up as much use that good day and remember it on your bad day and think everything worked out fine on the good day. Use this to help you move forward and make it a little less difficult.

I know whatever OCD you might have there is always a solution to each and every OCD no matter how bad it is and no matter how trapped you feel. I never had anyone to talk about this with and I felt trapped for about 13 years. This platform has given me the chance to express myself. If you can relate or know people going through similar situations, I can promise and reassure you I have found a solution that has helped me in my day to day life. This solution came from 13 years of experience with OCD. You are not alone and if you wish to contact me please contact me on ask.millennial@hotmail.com. Hopefully my solution could help find your solution.

If you want to get professional help you can get psychological therapy normally cognitive behavioural therapy or you can get medication such as antidepressants called selective serotonin repute inhibitors (SSRIs).

Image result for ocd bad days
My OCD stories

Understadning my Tapping OCD

❗Please read my pervious post for this post to make a little more sense.

This OCD is very time consuming and probably the most annoying as this gives me the most anxiety. This is because when I start to do this OCD I have to do it the right amount of times in order for the anxiety to go and to get that feeling right.

Let me explain.

This OCD can be triggered on a number of day-to-day tasks. For example, if I pick up my toothbrush and put it back down I have to tap it a number of times, in order for the anxiety, heaviness and the feeling that something bad is going to happen to disappear. This is when I know I can stop tapping.

The tapping consists of a number sequence which my brain tells me to do. Number 1 represents good and number 2 represent bad and we all know good comes first and bad comes second. Good means something bad might not happens and bad means something bad might happen, but it’s weird as sometimes my thoughts make me think good is bad and bad is good. This is why I use the number sequence to trick my brain to making the tapping feel okay and helping me get rid of the anxiety and heaviness. Ending the sequence on a 1 is always the best way to finish the sequence for me.

However, it’s not always that easy, as when I am having a bad day it could take many more taps to make it feel okay. This means repeating the sequence below serval times.

When I am tapping this is the number system I use: 2 taps represent 1 tap in total and then I tap these two taps – 8 more times so it finishes on 16 and at the end one more tap to finish on 17 as the last tap is 1 which represents good. This releases the anxiety, heaviness and the bad thoughts in my head.

Here’s the sequence in my head:🧠

1 means good 👍

2 means bad 👎

That’s why there are two taps but these 2 taps only count as 1 whole tap in my brain 🧠.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -2 taps – first tap = Good – second tap = Bad.

1 -The last tap which is 1 which = Good.

This is how it looks in my brain I know its an understatement when people say there life is complicaited. 🤔

I also have a number sequence I use on good days, where I only tap twice and then I’m done👌. This is due to experience and a number of trial and errors, but this suppresses and shortens the number of times I need to do it. I will explain how I did this in detail in future posts.

Tapping OCD can occur when picking something up and placing it back down, turning off a tap🚰, light switch💡, closing a drawer 🗄 etc.

You might have your own way of doing this tapping OCD, but this is the way it worked for me. However, I have a solution which I will be posting, which helps me in all my OCDs, some you can find in my pervious posts, and hopefully it can help you too. I want to share my OCDs with you in order to make you get a better understanding of me and to help relate if you are going through something similar. My plan is to start talking about the solution to them in the future which will be my final post about my OCDs. After I wish to move on to other topics in my life away from OCD which you may also be able to relate to hopefully it can also help you.

But before this post ends here’s a little advice: You must keep positive and tell yourself it will be okay as everything which is going on in the the mind is all in the mind no matter how intense it feels and remember you are still in control, you have the final say. On a good day when your OCD is not playing up as much use that good day and remember it on your bad day and think everything worked out fine on the good day. Use this to help you move forward and make it a little less difficult.

This should help you just a little more on those bad days.

I know whatever OCD you might have there is always a solution to each and every OCD no matter how bad it is and no matter how trapped you feel. I never had anyone to talk about this with and I felt trapped for about 13 years. This platform has given me the chance to express myself. If you can relate or know people going through similar situations, I can promise and reassure you I have found a solution that has helped me in my day to day life. This solution came from 13 years of experience with OCD. You are not alone and if you wish to contact me please contact me on ask.millennial@hotmail.com. Hopefully my solution could help find your solution.

If you want to get professional help you can get psychological therapy normally cognitive behavioural therapy or you can get medication such as antidepressants called selective serotonin repute inhibitors (SSRIs).

Image result for tapping ocd
My weird Tapping OCD
My OCD stories

My two step OCD (15 years old)

Check out my first post to see how my OCD started.

When you have a weird OCD like mine it makes things you enjoy off putting. An example would be when I was young, I would not bother playing with my toys as I knew if I picked them up it would trigger my OCD again. Another example would be not bothering to get up to get a drink, which takes me to an OCD which I call the Two step OCD. Now before you think my OCD is a step up routine.

Let me explain.

Now this OCD would affect me when I would walk from one room to another. Every time I entered a new room in the house I would step in and out of the room until I got the feeling right (ps it did help my two step get better) also amazing leg calf work out .

I felt like I had to get this feeling right in order to go into the next room. It was almost like a game in my head, where I had to pass levels to get to the next stage. As you can imagine this really made me lazy and stressed as I preferred not getting up anymore.

Before I continue let’s talk about The feeling” I keep talking about.

The feeling is a nervous feeling, and it makes me feel like something bad is going to happen in my life. This could be being embarrassed in school, my dad getting angry at me or that something I was working towards would not happen. There is a bundle of thoughts which occur in the mind telling you that if you do not do this right a lot of bad things will happen and this feeling would occur in all my OCDs.

Now, you are probably thinking “How do you make this feeling go away? How do you know you did it correctly?” The answer to your question is the only way I knew I did it correctly was when the anxiety and the heaviness in my body went away. This way I got reassurance that it was fine, but this was not always the case. There have been situations where I felt like I did it right and I could relax. But then one minute later I would have thoughts like “Are you sure you did it right? What if you didn’t do it right and something bad happens? You should try again!”

Yes, it’s very complicated but it started to become a growing part of my life and second nature. It became so natural for me that I didn’t even notice it at times. The strange thing was, I found a loophole to get it to stop. But this loophole was not the solution but sometimes it worked. When people started to notice, it would stop immediately like the Game was Over because i got embarrassed. However, this rarely happened as it was not that obvious and my family didn’t pay much attention to it.

Thank you for reading. This was the two step OCD. I have to be honest I didn’t come up with the name. I know it’s strange naming the OCD, but the name actually originated when my sister In law saw me do it. Like I said it becomes second nature to me. I don’t realise who is around me, as I zone into it and when she saw it she said “Why are you two stepping?” and that’s how it was named.

I know whatever OCD you might have there is always a solution to each and every OCD no matter how bad it is and no matter how trapped you feel. I never had anyone to talk about this with and I felt trapped for about 13 years. This platform has given me the chance to express myself. If you can relate or know people going through similar situations, I can promise and reassure you I have found a solution that has helped me in my day to day life. This solution came from 13 years of experience with OCD. You are not alone and if you wish to contact me please contact me on ask.millennial@hotmail.com. Hopefully my solution could help find your solution.

If you want to get professional help you can get psychological therapy normally cognitive behavioural therapy or you can get medication such as antidepressants called selective serotonin repute inhibitors (SSRIs).

Image result for two step
Two Step OCD